I get scared. I mean I get freaked out. And it scares me.
When I listen to songs in Spotify, when I try to update myself with the latest in music hits, I get this weird feeling that eats at me, and it scares me.
When I listen to songs in Spotify, it feels like I’m standing outside while storm clouds roll through the sky, slowly turning a bright day gray. It feels like standing outside and staring at the storm clouds, waiting for it to rain, waiting if it will rain. And I’ve stood on the sidewalk outside for so long before that I should know better. So I run inside and hide in the shelter that is my house.
It’s not that I don’t like Spotify. It’s just that I spent a significant season in my life listening to it. And when I remember that time, it draws me in again, and I don’t want to go back.
What it feels like when I listen to it? I feel like everything becomes fuzzy. I know, you can’t feel fuzzy. But I can. I guess it’s like deja vouz. It’s like everything feels familiar in a very scary way.
What’s scary is that as much as I want to avoid going back, part of me wants it. Part of me wants to run back to that time when I lived mostly in my room, trying to understand what’s wrong with me but at the same time enjoying the silence, enjoying the fact that I will never understand what’s wrong with me. Part of me wants to become that person again.
But I know I shouldn’t. I guess I shouldn’t.
Let the Girl Talk 